


The Curious Case of the Cat Burglar

by Coppercrow



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Mage Artemis Fowl, Private Investigator Holly Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 13:11:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4523355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coppercrow/pseuds/Coppercrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Holly has a cat burglar to deal with, and meets a unusual human mage along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Curious Case of the Cat Burglar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ShyWriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyWriter/gifts).



> Written for ShyWriter, who requested mage!Artemis living on the streets.
> 
> I'm not sure if this was what you were expecting, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

Holly looked at the sobbing pixie in front of her and suppressed the urge to sigh. It was a crisp November morning, cold but remarkably sunny. Yet instead of enjoying the weather, she was willing dealing with this air-brained specimen of a fairy. It was times like this that Holly questioned her sanity, or at the very least her judgement regarding career choices. Working on the Taillte City Police Force had been bad enough, but life as a private investigator was even. Maybe it was time she threw in the cards and opened a flower shop?

However, until the she needed to eat, and the client, one Ruby Woods, for all her crying, was offering a hefty sum as payment for recovery of stolen goods. Now if only she could get her to to crying long enough to explain what had been stolen.

"Miss, I can't help you unless you tell me what was stolen," she repeated for the umpteenth time. Her irritation was beginning to bleed into her voice, and obviously the client heard it too, because she stopped crying.

"T-they took my p-precious Frondy," Ruby stuttered, eyes big and teary. Holly refused to be swayed.

"And what exactly is 'Frondy'," she asked, tapping her foot.

"My c-cat."

Holly starred, fighting the urge to gape. A cat? A CAT? When the pixie had rung her an hour ago, she'd said that something incredibly valuable had been stolen from her. At the time Holly had assumed she was talking about jewellery, or something like that. Not a pet, of all things.

"...are you sure it didn't just wander off? Get lost?"

"Oh no! My Frondy is an indoor cat - he's too valuable to go o-outside. And the w-window was broken, and there was g-glass everywhere," the pixie explained, looking close to tears.

Holly frowned. Valuable? How valuable were they talking here?

"When you say valuable...?"

"Oh, Frondy is unique. He's a completely new breed, designer made in fact. I paid more for him than I did for my car. "

Holly couldn't help but whistle. She'd seen the car in question. It was a sleek solar-powered beauty, top of the range and only released a few months ago. If she were a richer fairy she'd have gotten one herself, but as it was she could work all year and still not be able to afford one. For a cat to be worth that much, no wonder it'd been stolen.

"I'll see what I can do."

.x.x.x.x.x.x.

Three days later, Holly Short was feeling tired, grumpy and frustrated. She hadn't been able to find anything on the missing cat, beyond the fact that it wasn't the only one. Over the last few weeks reports of stolen cats had skyrocketed. In all cases they were expensive breeds. It seemed they had a cat burglar on their hands. Holly wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry over the ridiculousness of her life.

 

To be honest, she was stumped. Taillte wasn't the largest aboveground city in Ireland, but it was large enough that she wasn't going to find this cat without help. Normally she'd have Mulch to help, but he was investigating a case belowground involving a fellow dwarf who'd skipped out on his parole officer. 

She'd taken a place to grab a drink and a bite to eat at a nearby cafe. Like the last few days, the day was clear and cool, with only the barest of breezes.

Sometimes, Holly wondered what life would have been like if the People had been driven underground by the humans. Growing up, she'd sat through enough history lessons to know it had been a near thing. If the Battle of Taillte had gone different, the People would probably be either hidden away from the surface or extinct. Neither was a pleasant thought.

She couldn't imagine not feeling the sun on her face each day, or seeing the moon and the stars each night. So it was a good thing that those Demon warlocks had managed to turn the tide of the battle, even if they had sacrificed their own lives to deal such a devastating blow on the humans. Who knew what sort of damage humans would have done to the planet unchecked.

Of course these days there weren't anywhere near enough humans to cause problems. After the Battle of Taillte, the tide had quickly turned against the humans, to the point that they'd nearly been wiped out entirely. Combined with the People's hostility to them, even centuries after the war, it was downright rare to see a human anywhere, though Taillte had a higher population than most places. Even then, they weren't known to socialise much outside their race.

"Holly. You're here already!" neighed a familiar voice. Holly turned in her seat to see Foaly approaching, only to heave a heavy sigh. 

"Is the hat really necessary?" she enquired. The centaur was wear a silver cap made of foil. Perched on his head, it was the height of ridiculousness and the elf fought the urge to rip off his head and destroy it, just to get rid of the eyesore.

"Holly! How could you ask that?! Of course it is. I can't afford to have anyone poking around in my brain. I have important things in there. They could steal my inventions!" Foaly snapped, voice paranoid. At this point in their friendship, Holly didn't even bother to argue - there was no convincing him that his paranoia was unfounded.

"Alright, the hat can stay," she groaned. Foaly smirked, satisfied.

"So what's the problem?" he asked after a pause. "Don't deny it," he added when she opened her mouth to protest, "I know you're working a case, you don't pay social calls when you're working, and when you do, it's because you're stumped. So spill the beans."

Holly sighed. He was going to mock her, she just knew it.

"I'm investigating a case," she began.

Foaly nodded, clearly wanting her to get to the point.

"...more specifically, I'm investigating a case of a missing cat." she muttered. 

She had barely uttered the words before her friend was braying with laughter, so hard that he was wheezing. Holly glared at him, but the centaur was too lost in his mirth to care. Eventually he managed to recover his composure, though she could still see his amusement clear in his eyes. 

"Go on, go on," he encouraged her.

"Only now that I've started investigating, I'm finding more and more reports dating from the last few weeks. As strange as it might sound, the city seems to have a cat smuggling ring. Only I can't find out anything about it, and I really need to earn some money soon my landlord will give me the boot," she complained, slumping in her seat. She knew she was being pathetic, but this case was doing her head in, and Foaly was her last hope.

The centaur frowned, thoughtful. Then his eyes widened. Holly sat up, suddenly focused.

"There is someone who might be able to help you. Possibly. If you're willing to pay," Foaly said. Holly frowned.

"How much are we talking, exactly? In case you'd forgotten, my lack of money is my problem."

"Oh, he accepts payment in favour owed, don't worry," the centaur reassured her. Holly's frown deepened. She wasn't sure she liked the sound of that.

"Who exactly is this person, Foaly?" she asked cautiously.

"His name's Artemis Fowl. He's mage..."

"I sense a 'but' coming."

"He's human."

Holly stared at her friend as though he'd grown another head.

"Are you kidding me? Everyone knows that human mages are complete hacks!" she said, incredulous. Foaly shrugged.

"It's up to you if you visit him. I'll give you his address, let you decide," he said, pulling out a pen and scrawling something on his napkin. He handed it over and Holly tucked it into a pocket. She doubted she'd use it, but she supposed it was always handy to have a backup option.

 

.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.

 

The next day found Holly in the bad end of town. She glanced down at napkin in her hand, eyebrows raised in incredulity. She was beginning to think Foaly was playing an elaborate joke on her - the address had given her was, of all things, an alley.

Holly eyed the alley, wrinkling her nose at the smell. It wasn't a very nice alley - in fact, it was one of the most unpleasant alley's she'd ever laid eyes on. It was overflowing with garbage, and stunk of urine and rotting plant matter. She was honestly tempted to just turn around and leave.

Unfortunately, the need to solve this case stiffened her resolve and with a deep breath, she prepared to enter to alley. She made it approximately two steps before something big and heavy clamped down on her shoulder.

Squirming in the grip, she managed to get a good look at her assailant and froze. He was without doubt the biggest human she had ever seen, and seemed to radiate power and strength.

"What business do you have here?" he asked, voice quiet but authoritative.

"A friend of mine said I could find Artemis Fowl at this address," she replied, sounding braver than she felt. 

"And your friend is?" he questioned.

"Foaly," she replied, and the man nodded.

"Come with me," he instructed, and walked into the alley. After a moment Holly followed after him. Her hand twitched towards a gun she no longer wore, and not for the first time, she cursed the prohibition on civilians carrying weapons. She was reasonably certain this human wasn't as unarmed as she was.

Ahead, the alley came to an abrupt end, but the human didn't stop walking. In fact, she sped up slightly. Holly was about to question his sanity when he stepped through the wall and vanished from sight. She stared, eyes wide. Stepping forward, she prodded the wall only to watch with fascination as her finger vanished from sight. Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward and through the wall.

For a few moments she was disorientated by the sudden change in lighting. Unlike the alley, this new space was much brighter. As her eyes adjusted, she slowly took in the place. It was a long, narrow room - if Holly were to guess, she'd say it had once been part of the alley, till someone had closed it in. If it had been, though, it was unrecognisable now. It looked as though someone had crossed an old estate with one of Foaly's labs - wooden panelling juxtaposed to sleek plasma screens, their screens streaming long sequences of what might have been Gnommish, but was going too fast to tell. It was lit warmly - bright enough to illuminate the space, but dim enough to be comfortable.

But more curious than even the improbable room was the human sitting behind a desk at the very end of the space. Though she wasn't overly familiar with humans, she nonetheless was able to recognise he was young - only on the earliest cusp of adulthood, if that. His hair was raven black, and from the almost translucent paleness of his skin, she guessed he didn't get out much. His clothing looked well made, but also well worn. Given his age, it seemed likely that it was secondhand, if humans at this age grew like elves did. Add to that the fact that he'd set up shop not in a building, but in a renovated alley, she had a feeling that he wasn't as well off as he was trying to present himself as.

Yet she could help but be unnerved by this strange boy. The steady icy blue gaze of his eyes, and the frankly dangerous smirk that he was regarding her with made her skin prickled with unease.

"Artemis Fowl," she stated, in no doubt that this was the mage Foaly had recommended, though he was far from what she was expecting. The boy nodded.

"And you are Miss Holly Short, formerly Captain Holly Short, recently departed from the Taillte Police Force earlier this year," he replied, voice cool. Holly blinked, surprised.

"Did Foaly tell you I was coming?" she asked, slightly annoyed at the thought.

"Hardly, Miss Short. I merely make a habit of knowing things. It is, after all, my job," he calmly responded. For some reason his voice grated on her nerves. 

"Your job," she replied, matching her tone to his. "And what exactly is that? Foaly said you were a mage."

Artemis smirked. 

"How simplistic an explanation, and misleading. I am an information broker, Miss Short. I provide information to people."

Holly frowned, taking a moment to collect her thoughts as she eyed to human. He hadn't denied he was mage, but he hadn't confirmed it either. Somehow, that made her think she might have stumbled across the real deal. Still, only time would tell.

"And do you have the information I need?" she asked. 

"I can procure it for you, yes. It will cost you, of course, though I'm sure you already knew that," he answered, and she nodded.

"What would it cost me?" she questioned.

"One favour owed, relating to your particular skills as a detective. There would be limits in place, of course. You would not be required to commit any crimes on my behalf, nor endanger yourself any more than you usually do, and such like. It's all outlined in the contract," he explained. Holly quirked an eyebrow.

"Contract?"

"Of course."

Holly bit her lip, frown deepening. On one hand, this seemed like the perfect answer to her problem. Artemis would get the information for her, he'd find the car, get paid and pay her rent in turn. If only it didn't feel like she was selling her soul to the devil. For a long moment, she considered turning around and just walking out of the room. It was so very tempting. Except, of course, for the fact that without the pay from this job, she'd be homeless. Damn.

"Deal," she said before she could change her mind. The boy's shark-like grin was far from reassuring. 

"Wonderful. Take a seat Miss Short, and I'll have the paperwork sorted for you."

As she took the proffered seat, the boy stood. Turning to the shelf behind him, he pulled down a large folder and started leafing through it. After a moment he pulled several sheets of crisp white paper and laid them down on the desk. This close, Holly could see the pages were crammed full of line after line of text, so small it made her eyes water. He pushed the papers over to her.

"Your contract, Miss Short. Feel free to read over it."

With a feeling of doom, she grabbed the paper and started reading.

 

.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.

 

Ten minutes later, Holly dropped her head to the desk with a muffled groan. A headache was just beginning to throb in her temples. She'd tried so very hard to read the contract, honestly. Unfortunately, reading legal contracts was by no means her area of expertise. She was pretty sure she'd gotten the jist of it though, and it seemed above board. Of course, she could have missed something but at this point she honestly didn't care.

"Where do I sign?" she asked was an air of resignation. Artemis smiled slightly and gestured to the bottom of the final page. Then he reached into a draw on the right side of his desk, and pulled out what appeared to be a fountain pen, an ink cartridge, and two pins in sterile wrapping. Holly frowned.

"Hold out your hand. Either will do," he request. Though she wasn't sue where this was going, she did as asked. The boy uncapped the needle and stabbed it into the pad of her index finger. She yelped as blood welled at the tip and went to wank her hand back. Only the cold grasp of Artemis' hand prevented her. With a hum he unscrewed the top of the ink cartridge and tapped the drop of blood into it. 

"Hold this," he told her and gave her the cartridge. Confused, she took it only to watch as he repeated the same process on himself. Taking the cartridge back, he dropped his blood in and screwed the lid on, slotting it into the pen. He held it out to her. Reluctantly, Holly took it from him.

"Was that really necessary?" she complained. 

"Oh yes. Signing in blood is so impractical, but it's the best way to make a contract binding. This is less messy. Besides, your healed already," he commented, gesturing at her hand. He was right, of course. Her magic had sealed the cut with a single blue spark already.

Feeling a thought she was signing away her soul, Holly put pen to page. The ink was as crimson as blood. After she signed, she pushed the paper and pen back to the boy, watching as he executed his own elegant signature.

"Wonderful. Now on to business," he said as he waved the page slightly to dry the ink. "The smuggling is operating out of a warehouse in the east side of the city. I will provide you with their address, as well as information regarding their movements, so you can secure the cat for your client," he said pulling out a slim file from the shelf behind him and passing it to her.

Taking it, she opened it and flicked through it. The file was highly detailed, and after a minute she closed it, confused.

"Why did you already have this prepared?" she questioned. Artemis leaned forward on his desk, shark-like grin firmly in place.

"I knew you would be visiting, Miss Short. It was only sensible to have it prepared."

"But I only decided to come here not even two hours ago! How could you-" she stopped, something in his expression silencing her.

"I'm a mage, do remember. I Saw your visit over a week ago."

Holly stared at the boy, shocked into silence. Seers were almost unheard of amongst the People. Suddenly she understood why Foaly had sent her to Artemis Fowl. 

"...thank you. I'll be going now," she said.

"No, thank you Miss Short. I look forward to working with you in the future."

Holly felt a shiver go down her spine as she stood. She was glad of the information, but she wasn't entirely sure if it'd been worth the price. Somehow, she had a feeling she was going to regret signing that contract.

**Author's Note:**

> Depending on how I feel, this may end up being part of a series. The idea of a 'verse where the People stayed on the surface captured my imagination and stuck.
> 
> Remember, reviews are love <3


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